Sunday 22 September 2013

Does Green Eggs and Ham represent a suitable nutrition strategy?

So this year I decided to go two for two, and step up to the plate once more for another crack at the Piece of String Fun Run in November. Well, it was a lot of fun last year, so why the hell not. The 17 (un)lucky runners selected to run have just been announced, and I am in there. Huzzah! So here is a little poem that I wrote to describe this race. I think that perhaps I have been reading a little too much Dr. Seuss recently. Bloody kids! Anyway, enjoy!

I am Sam. 

Sam I am. 

I would like to run a race,
But I need to know what pace
To run it so I do not die
Or burn out early and start to cry. 

There's many races you can see
But which one is the one for me?
There's ten Ks, sprints, there's multi-days. 
"There's hundred milers" Mimi says. 

"Hundred milers?!" some might ask. 
"But that sounds like a crazy task!"
Maybe so, but where's the fun
In knowing when the race is won?

I want a race that may destroy
A runners pride and sense of joy.
An event to put us to the test
Through psychological distress

And then
Something went BUMP!
How that bump made me jump!

I looked!
Then I saw him looking so focused.
I looked!
And I saw him!
The Joker in Hokas!

"Any old fool can run a race where they know
Just how much further they still have to go.
But how would you cope if they just wouldn't tell
Just how much more there is left of this hell?!"

"But who would devise such a malevolent race?"
I asked of the Joker as he pleaded his case.
The Joker, he winked, sly as a fox
And produced from his pocket a large wooden box.

"In this box are two things I will show to you now.
You will like these two things" said the Joker and bowed.
He opened the box and - sat drinking a beer -
Were two guys making plans for the race of the year.

Out they ran from the box, James One and James Two
And said, "Boy do we have a new fun race for you!
If you can prove to us you love misery
We will answer your prayers for a race - you will see!"

"You cannot run it with your poles,
You shouldn't run with min'malist soles.
You may not use compression tights,
But you will need at least six lights.
Your Garmin will prove useless here,
You should not rely on any gear.
You will be running here and there.
You could be running anywhere!"

"But how long is this race?" I asked, and they chuckled!
"Well, aye there's the rub. There's not even a buckle!
We'll tell you to run, and we might tell you where
But you won't know if you're done until you get there."

"For how long is a Piece of String my dear friend?
How long must you toil until you reach the end?
You may be done in an hour or a day,
Or it could be a week, month, or year - who could say?"

So welcome ye fools to the Piece of String Run.
Seventeen will begin, but who will be done
By the end of the race with the finish in sight.
How many runners will complete the fight?

"What sort of an idiot would enter" you say?
"How many would choose to take part on the day?"
Enter once and you might be considered a loony.
But I've entered twice - I'm a moron, so sue me!


  1. Moron maybe, but who can see the loon inside?
    For soon we ride upon the vaunted string of fun
    To cast ourselves upon the run, and thus to see
    Played out for all, our lack of sensibility,
    As I for one ere more would say, this foolish game
    Is Idiocy.

  2. Brilliant Sam I Am
    See you there - I'm one of the lucky "17"!!


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